Halloween. Oh, how I hate Halloween. The Humans talk about it for weeks before it comes around. “What am I going to wear?!” “Will people get it?” “Does this even make sense??” They put on these ridiculous costumes and go out. In public. Wearing the costumes. It’s just ludicrous. I would never disgrace myself by wearing such idiotic outfits. It’s just insane that one would make a fool of oneself intentionally.
And then the small Humans go out and accept candy from people. They walk around the neighborhood, all dressed up like a bunch of nincompoops, and accept candy from strangers. Aren’t children taught from a very young age to NOT do exactly that?? I suppose there’s a small difference, they aren’t accepting candy from stranger so much as demanding it. “Trick-or-treat!”- they shout. So what, if I don’t give you a treat, you’ll play a trick on me? I dare you, small Humans. I triple dog dare you. I am much faster and certainly much more clever than you are, so try me. I’ll give you a treat. With my claws.
And then, on top of everything, sometimes the Humans try to make me wear a costume. Are you serious? You want me to dress up as a cat hot dog (I understand the irony) or a cat goblin? Please, I refuse to succumb to your immaturity. The Humans have tried to make me wear a costume twice now, only to have their efforts almost immediately thwarted. As I said before, I don’t do costumes. This may take some more serious action on my part to convey my message. I’m thinking shredding their costumes and leaving them on their bed would get the message across.
Now, if I could somehow finagle it so that The Other One has to wear a costume and I don’t, that would be extremely pleasing. Getting that little turd to wear a costume for a few minutes would make my entire year. Maybe dress him up as Pocahontas? Or something that requires a wig and some face paint? Muahaha. Your move Other One, your move.