Well, it’s Friday. The Humans always seem to get so excited about Friday; I’m not sure why. They’re gone all day during the week, probably off at some fair or something else really fun that they don’t bring us to. They come home exhausted Monday through Friday, moaning about their day and saying how “hard” it was. Yeah, like playing hookey all day is tough. Please, I’ll show you what a tough day looks like. How about when you come home and wake me up from my second mid-afternoon nap? Don’t you lecture me about tough.
Then Friday arrives, and they come home and sit on the couch and eat and drink. For the next 2 days. I know that Monday through Friday they’re Out There, having the time of their lives, being all selfish and not sharing any of it with us. It couldn’t possibly be more fun at home than it is Out There. Why do they get so excited for Friday?
Sometimes though they do leave at night. They’ll leave the house totally normal, then when they return hours later it’s like a hurricane. They aren’t making sense, they want macaroni and cheese, and they keep falling and dropping things. Their voices also sound different. It’s like they have marbles in their mouth or something– they’re very hard to understand. Whatever they do on these nights doesn’t seem fun at all, they just look like idiots. After the making of the food and the repeated “I love you-s” (both to us and each other), they pass out. Like way out. Like tapping them on the head and meowing very loudly doesn’t do anything. One time, I even bit He Human’s nose. Nothing. He didn’t even notice the mark the next morning. On these days, when they do finally wake up the next morning, it’s very strange. They just sit on the couch all day and watch TV. And moan. They watched Lost for 4 hours one time.
But seriously, whatever they do during the week couldn’t possibly be “hard”. I seriously doubt the Humans are doing anything that is remotely “hard”. To understand what this word really means, they’ll need to talk to me. My life can be very difficult. You remember the nap interruption from earlier, right?