My name is Senor Gato. I am a cat. And a very wise one at that. I live with two Humans, whose names I have’t bothered to learn. We’ll just call them He-Human and She-Human. It is a good life I have, I must admit. Like most cats, I eat, sleep, and force my Humans to play with me at inopportune times.

Unfortunately, I am not the only four-legged creature who lives here. There is another. His name is… must I stoop so low as to utter his name? Let’s just call him He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. No one’s ever coined that term, right?

I’d like to think I’m the Commander-in-Chief here. I have far more control than the humans realize. Everything they do is determined by my own actions, although I’m too sly for them to realize that. When it’s time for them to get up, I go into their room and gently, but with conviction, meow them awake. When it’s time for them to feed me, I run around the kitchen, just so they can see how much energy I’m burning up and remember to feed me. When I want them to let me out, I meow incessantly by the back door. I’m still working on this, as they have yet to let me outside, but I will find a way…

And then there’s He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Fine– his name is “Iggy” if you must know. He’s cute, but he’s got a lot to learn. Like how to feign a furball cough up to get their immediate attention, or how to bite the Humans just hard enough so that your teeth are maintained appropriately sharpened but you aren’t actually hurting the Humans. It’s an acquired skill.

I’ll be teaching him a lot in the future; I have a lot of wisdom to impart. Hopefully he knows how to read.

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