It’s National Dog Day. Ugh. Just what those ridiculously simple creatures need, another reason to be spoiled and worshipped by their Humans. Did you know that dogs have the lowest common sense of the domesticated animals? That’s a fact. They allow themselves to be trained. You heard me: trained. They’ll shake your hand on command for a treat the size of one of my claws. They even sit or go away when told do so by their Humans. Such primitive beings.
We cats are far above such elementary acts. I would never, ever, under any circumstance, put any Human in a position of power. I will never respond to anything on command. You know what does do that? Voice activated phones. You know what else does that? Dogs. You know what else dogs do? They chase their own tails. Because they think it’s a separate entity from their body. Tut tut.
Another thing that baffles me is how dogs wait for their owners to come home. They just sit by the door, sometimes for hours at a time and just stare at it. As if just wishing for something to happen is enough. I know the precise schedules of my Humans, down to the minute. And if they stray from their schedule, you know what I do? I don’t care. I take a nap. Or I eat. I mean it’s a win win really. Then when they do make it home, I allow them to pet me.
Do you know what obedience does to the relationship between animal and Human? It leads the Humans to believe we belong to them. As if we could belong to anyone. Ha! No, no. Dogs, while they’re blindly affectionate and almost impossibly loyal, are not nearly as evolved as the cat. The Humans have to learn to love us. And that, my friends, gives us all the control.