Queen Bey vs. Gato

 

That is how I hear She Human refer to Beyoncé. Queen Bey. The Queen. Queen B. Or lately just an emoji with the lemon symbol, which is one I have yet to figure out.

She Human is quite excited today because Queen Bey announced she is pregnant with twins. She’s practically running the internet right now, something I can most certainly identify with. And I must say, I’m excited as well. I mean, who best represents the peak and pinnacle of a career better than Beyoncé? I can absolutely empathize with that– I myself am at my peak. Of everything.

Here are a few ways in which I am similar to (and completely on par with) Beyoncé:

  1. I know how to get in formation too. I make all the other cats of the neighborhood practice the dance moves at my house when the Humans are gone. We get in formation, we have hot sauce in our bags, and we slay.
  2. We both mesmerize people with our Super Bowl performances. Last year, the Humans invited some people over, and I had the audience absolutely captivated with my rendition of chasing the pink mouse toy. I was showing everyone my best moves. I did back flips and hissed loudly at my toy. The Humans were in absolute awe.
  3. I also drop artistic masterpieces without any hype or promotion, much like Queen Bey has done with her last two albums. Did you see my video earlier today? It almost broke the internet. And I did it without any fanfare or interviews. That’s just how we roll.
  4. We are both extremely private about our personal lives. I don’t need people investigating every aspect of my nine lives. I have some self respect after all. Do people really need to know what I eat for my meals three times a day? (Hint: they’re all the same.) And do I really need to share my exercise regime with others? Why would I share my secrets with others? This physique is mine, and I won’t let anyone else know how to get it.
  5. Simply put, we’re both flawless.

So there you have it. I’d say at this point one of the only differences between us is that she beats me on Instagram by 34,734,534,445 followers. I’m working on that and am confident I’ll get there. I slay, trick, or I’ll get eliminated.

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