Well it’s finally happening. The Humans are traveling again. They kept saying “Greece”, but who knows what that means. Greece. Sounds like a fake place if you ask me. Or the name of an excellent Olivia Newton-John movie.
I absolutely love it when the Humans go away and I get the run of the roost, allllll to myself. Well, almost. The Other One often spoils it for me. I’ll be darting around a corner at just the right speed, turning at the perfect angle, positive I won’t be hitting a Human calf or something, and BAM! There he is. Then he laughs and walks away, with his tail in my face. I know he plans it. He always ruins my fun.
But seriously, even with that turd here, it’s still amazing to have them gone. The havoc I could wreak on this place is amazing, and the fact that I don’t just shows my restraint. But the best part about them being gone is what I do that they’ll never know about. Like lick the kitchen counters. Drink out of the toilet. Lock The Other One in a room and invite the cool cats over for a little get-together. He hates it when I do that. But maybe my best trick is when I use the sofa as my personal scratching post. I scratch, then return it to its former condition using She Human’s needlepoint apparatuses. I mean, She just leaves them around, it’s almost like she’s challenging me not to use them. I scratch up the couch good and nice, then I take her needle and meticulously pull the strings back to where they were. It’s ingenious if I do say so myself.
It’s true though, when they leave there are things that can’t happen, like get my back scratched or sit on their chests and try to distract them while they’re watching “the game”. And when they do get back, they give me all sorts of treats, like they’re trying to make up for being gone. As if I cared. Good riddance.