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The Humans started this a few weeks ago. It’s called the “Whole30”. Whole what? 30 what? The name makes absolutely no sense. All I know is that the Humans have been extremely cranky as of late and are cooking quite often in the kitchen. All they do is eat meat. What could possibly be so terrible about that? Plus, they give me the leftovers almost every night, and if there’s anything I love more than smelling meat all day long, it’s eating their leftover meat three times a day.

She Human just keeps saying how she doesn’t like eating that much meat because she “used to be a vegetarian”, which is just a fancy way of saying you are a complete idiot– it’s a ridiculous concept if you ask me. She Human didn’t eat meat for a really long time. No meat. At all. Like she wouldn’t touch it. I tried to tell her, “If you don’t like it, you have a four legged Superior who will devour anything you leave for me”. She never seems to understand my reasoning.

So on this incredible diet, they are also eating lots of vegetables and fruits. Now don’t get me wrong, I love meat, but I also love a good veggie every now and again. There’s nothing like a tasty piece of broccoli or spinach found on the floor, and don’t even think about leaving a head of cauliflower unattended with me around. But back to the meat– that is absolutely the best part of all this. I have been living like a king. She Human eats tuna everyday. I hear that can crack open, and I’m on it like…. well, a cat to tuna I suppose. That’s an expression, right? You heard it here first people. This Whole30 is just the best thing to happen to this household since I came around. Wait, what’s that I hear? Tuna??

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